There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
