So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
