Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
