After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
