Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
