if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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