my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
