let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My vagina is officially offended.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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