She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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