My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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