The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
