Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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