apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
