she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
