He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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