My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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