Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
