I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
