I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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