Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
