I want to stick my p in your. b.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it because I queefed?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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