ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
