So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
