She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
