You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
