if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
