So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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