Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
