i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He shit in the fireplace
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
