...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
