This girl is more easily done than said...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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