As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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