THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
