yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
