i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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