If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
