Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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