That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
