Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
