I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm at about main and main street
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
