I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
