its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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