This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
