after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
