apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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