Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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