How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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