oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
