My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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