I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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