I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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