Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
