This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
