my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
