Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
