i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
