Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
