FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
