Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Buhtt sex?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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