There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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