Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
