i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
