4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
