dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My Higher Power is John Stamos
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
