Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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