I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
