I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
