You made me cry and you don't even care
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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