Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
