Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
