p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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