Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
