It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your topless pictures make me question reality
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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