I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
