a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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