You're my little dorito
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
