We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize